My body hurts but I’ll do it again

March 10th….around half eleven…Bedtime. For tomorrow is Little Shop of Heroes Dunfermline Comic Con 2017 so to sleep dear brain for there be work to be done. Oh no no no replies the brain. Let’s go through every possible conversation you may have tomorrow with every person you may meet.

March 11th…in the wee hours of 2am. I hate you brain. I’m leaving all my happy thoughts to the spleen. No you had your chance. You do this every time. I bet you even put everything on fas forward so sleep feel like it only took a min….and see look you did that very thing. Now it’s time to get up. You’re fortunate I have a God-like level of sexiatude so I don’t need to rely on you. God-like in that no one is sure if it actually exists.

I’m there. We’re here. You were there too weren’t you? No? Awww. Awwwww. Awwwwww. You missed out on so much. So so much. There was cake. Yes. I kid you not. A cake stall. A cake stall that sold cakes. Oh yes I can see you’re wishing you were there now. Press here if you want to know more…heeheehee hahahaha HAHahehehe…sorry that tickled. No go on you can click it, I have decomposed my…recompo…composed. I have composed myself. Yes. So on you go. Wait no you might not come back and I’m not done yet. Yes stay, stay a moment longer. Take a seat. Kick of your shoes. Then go fetch them off the top of the wardrobe. Annnd there we go. All comfy.

As a volunteer I have the benefit of seeing the plan come together. And I love it when a plan comes together.

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And so 10:00am hits. People come in. And stuff happens. I’m not really sure what stuff as I spent most of the day have money thrust at me for the pleasure of a photie in Luke’s Landspeeder. Yes the Land Speeder, Landspeeder. I’m not sure which way to spell it but you know what I mean. The speeder that goes across land. Yes that’s right person in the back row, it is a Star Wars. I could tell that’s what you were itching to hear and yes it was there. In all it’s Star Warsy glory. Wait….did you mistake my standing in one place as being tinged with disappointment? Oh no no no for I had the company of R2D2 and BB-8 and also that red one that explodes, R5-D4. The droid did not do any exploding but I feel those in the queue were doing a bit of that. Exploding with joy. Not in a visible sense but deep down there was an echo of a joyous squee hidden beneath the phrase “Well yeah, I may as well”. Which we all know to mean “I’m an adult but I’m worried what other people might think”. Yes I think we all know what they’re thinking. They’re thinking “Well yeah, I may as well”. I however was thinking “I’m wearing a kilt, this may not end well”. I made it in. I made it out. Nothing flashing about. I call that a successful kilt wearing.

Yes I did a lot of standing in one place for a while for as a wise man once said….he said….it was….um…something about the world coming to you. I don’t know what the precise quote was but standing where I was standing on the attraction that was attracting the people did come to me. Cosplayers, my gawd so many cosplayers and all braving the cold and the driech. There was no doubt they were looking rather fantastic when they paraded and took to the stage. The judging once more by Sarah Chrisp. A very tiny Crow won the Children’s Cosplay Competition and an adult sized DC Bombshell Wonder Woman was the overall winner I believe. No before you say it, she did not win overalls it was something more stupendeous. But look at them all. Standing there with all the costumey greatness and having put all that effort into their outfits and then I look down at myself and realise I have a lanyard. That’s right a lanyard. Say it with me….Lanyard.

I could feel the power of the lanyard coursing through me. To the point where I could do anything. ANYTHING!!! As long as that anything was within the confines of my duties. Although it did imbue me with the power of speech. Aha yes, talk to people I did. I mean not all people. I do have my limits. But more importantly I didn’t have to fill the awkward silences by bringing up the weather. Still I did not manage to grab many photos because that’s a level of social interaction I have yet to reach. Maybe next year. Or the year after. 2024 at the latest….2025. Power of the Lanyard.

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To say that I managed to get some cool stuff does not do justice to the level of effervescence. Yes, there is a good chance I’m using that word in the wrong context but it’s after midnight and that’s the “I don’t care” hour. But look…look….come a bit closer…look. I am looking a the Jessica Rabbit Cosplay Prints by Janine van Moosel and the She-Hulk print by Claire Roe and thinking they do juxtapose each other sightly. Going from one form of physical beauty to another but both being strong characters. I do like strong women who can protect my soft and squishy body. Which probably explains why all my female friends are terrifyingly strong. Haha world, I am protected. Except they all live far away….um….never mind world. Carry on with your business. Ah but what else do you see? A specially created comic “The big Comic Con” from Maximized Comic, now how many cons can say they have their own comic. I can’t think of any and even if they are out there I’m just saying ours is better. Dungeon Fun by Neil Slorance and Colin Bell, Saltire by John Ferguson, Lauren Knight and Claire Roe, Little Girl Black by James McCulloch and Bad Reception, a novel by Shannen Wright. Who knew there was so much talent around here. Fife and Glasgow and Dundee and all those other bits. But most of all I got my copy of LoboCop signed by Alan Grant. It is something that will come with me to the grave. I say grave, I really mean enormous tomb, bugger it I’m having a pyramid. I’m taking it all with me.

But now it’s over for another year. The second Dunfermline Comic Con. And a successful one at that too. My body is sore. My lanyard is off. My blue Volunteer t-shirt is in the wash and as I stand here in my Kilt I can’t help thinking I look like the Scott’s Porridge Oats guy has melted.

I’m coming back again next year. Are you coming? You’ve got 51 weeks left to decide. Of course your coming. The power of Lanyard compels you.

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